Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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