She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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