Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
