your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
someone threw a dead crab at me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
