Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
