Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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