i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
