dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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