I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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