idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
