This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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