Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
