It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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