hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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