i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
