Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
