My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
