dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just cropdusted the office
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
