found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My vagina just clenched in fear
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
