just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
