a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
