I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
