i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
