he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
