I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
