I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
