In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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