You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
