just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
