I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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