Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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