He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
