I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
