he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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