1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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