So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
