i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
