I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
