If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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