dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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