How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
