the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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