Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
