i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
