I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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