oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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