I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
