yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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