census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
