Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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