Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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