Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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