I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
